miscarriage, ten things I learned, hope, faith, motherhood, baby loss

In my last post I shared the first five things I have learned from walking through two miscarriages. I wrote these down when we were in the middle of our second miscarriage. I am so thankful I did write them down, because as time moves on I’ve already forgotten some of them. They are a reminder to me, if I ever need to look back to help another, or if I find myself in the pain of a miscarriage again. 

My prayer is that they will in turn help those that may stumble upon this that it will encourage their own heart if they are in the same painful journey. Miscarriage is a hard thing. It just is. But God is greater than any pain we endure. And in our own suffering we can lean hard into His welcoming arms, knowing He was never a stranger to suffering as we see in His Gospels. He died the ultimate death for our sake willingly, so to suffer some here on earth allows me to understand in a very small scale what He endured for us.

Oh how He loves us! In this world if I allow the hardships to weigh me down I would lose sight of this quickly, but keeping my eyes on Him, on His character, and the truth in His Word (sometimes singing His truth OUT LOUD if that is what it takes to dispel the darkness) has changed my heart to praise Him in grief and in joy. 

Now, back to my list (see the first 5 here). Here are the remaining things I journaled a little over a month ago. 

finding beauty in even the smallest things

finding beauty in even the smallest things

10 things I learned in miscarriage

6. Plan for time alone.
I mentioned this one a couple of points back, but it still needs it’s own number in this list. After our first miscarriage I longed for some time alone. I desperately wanted to just be away from everyone, and alone before God. To grieve and release what was in my heart. It was a lot of conflicting painful emotions swirling around and I didn’t know what to do with them. Because we were busy with travel I didn’t have an opportunity to be alone. So in our second miscarriage I knew I needed to just plan for time alone. To pray, to cry, to sit and listen to worship music, alone. In doing this it allowed me to release the things I was feeling, and not feel guilty about it or weighed down. God carried me (my name is Carrie too, so that’s a funny irony) in my suffering, met me in my pain and poured out His Presence on me like a balm. He knew what would bring healing- Himself. “O taste and see that the Lord is good…” (Psalm 34:8)

7. Name your child.
It’s simple to say that, but it’s true. Giving a name to this small life that you carried is a way to remember who they were. When we chose a name we picked one that we felt the Lord was teaching us, or showing us in our own journey. Our name for baby 1 (we are still deciding on a name for baby 2) means God is my light, and God’s strong man. We wanted to always remember God’s light, greater than any darkness we face. And how appropriate that we are reminded of His strength again in the short life of our child. Taking the time to choose a name not only has helped us celebrate that child, but with little ones at home, it has helped them remember their sibling(s) in heaven. 

8. Have a ceremony
Of course these are my own thoughts, not requirements by any means. I understand everyone grieves differently and may feel led to remember their own losses in their unique ways. But I know that I am so thankful we did choose to have a small ceremony with our two sons to participate in. It was a meaningful way to talk about the loss, but also the celebration of heaven, and how we will one day meet these babies that are with Jesus. It was healing for each of us to remember the life and hope we have in our Lord. (If you’d like more details about our own ceremony, please email me, but do what is unique to your own family)

9. Plant something
When I miscarried it was a very dark time and everything felt void of light, beauty and life. I was constantly reminded of my empty womb that was now void of life. But even in loss I was reminded by the Lord that He is a God of beauty. He delights in beauty! Look around outside, kneel down and examine a leaf, a caterpillar, or the petals of a flower. The details, colors, and patterns are never ending and exquisite! The life He creates is beautiful. We aren’t given the number of days we will live, or how long our children will live but we can thank Him for the beauty He created in each of them. I chose to put beauty before my eyes to remember this. I went to a nearby greenhouse and chose flowers in memory of our baby. One is a perennial that comes back each year. It’s actually called a chick and hen and continues to spread with new shoots. We saw a ton of baby shoots sprouting out from it this spring and it was a reminder that God brings fruit, and blooms beauty in a barren place. We planted our flowers in the back yard and it has become my own flower garden. A place I visit daily and admire, and remember the beauty of the Lord. I LOVE seeing our flowers, their beauty and reminder have been healing. 

10. Ask for a verse for this season.
I don’t remember intentionally asking the Lord for a verse in both miscarriages, but He faithfully provided one each time. They encouraged my heart greatly and I continued to go back to them in the days and months that followed our losses. Wherever you are in your own journey of loss, ask the Lord for a promise from His Word. Write it down, memorize it, draw it, sing it. Put it somewhere you will see it and remember it. His promises are true and will not fail! 

the heavens declare the glory of God indeed.

the heavens declare the glory of God indeed.

If you made it this far through, thank you. He is a faithful God that will strengthen, heal, and comfort you. I always love going back to Psalm 121 whenever my heart is hurting. I will lift up my eyes, to Him, my Shepherd, and my help! 

If I can pray for you, please let me know! I would love to. We are called to encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:13) and I pray that I am able to do that with my own honesty. 

Finally, I wanted to leave a list of some scriptures that I’ve journaled and underlined in my journey of grief:
Job 42:2, Lamentations 3:31, Lamentations 3:22-24, Lamentations 3:31-33, Job 5:11, Isaiah 55:12-13, Ephesians 3:20-21, Isaiah 57:18, Isaiah 59:1, Isaiah 61:1-3, Psalm 73:16-17, Psalm 73:23-28, Psalm 77:1-9+14, James 5:13,  II Thessalonians 3:3, Daniel 2:20-23, James 4:7-10, Psalm 37:23-24, Psalm 38:9, Psalm 40:1-3, Psalm 40:9-10, Philippians 3:10-11, Philippians 3:14, Romans 8:16-18, Psalm 37:7, Psalm 46:10, Psalm 103:13-14, Lamentations 3:55-57, Romans 5:2-5, Psalm 73:26, Jeremiah 17:5-8

Be blessed my friend!