Today is Mother's Day. A celebration of all the mamas.
It's the first one I've celebrated since the loss of our two babies. For that reason I kind of dreaded the day, because I don't want to again be reminded of loss. But rather I'd like to celebrate what the Lord is doing in my heart in this journey of motherhood.
I read today in Psalm 73, and I love these promises on this bittersweet day.
Verse 23, "Nevertheless (this word is a great encouragement in itself! I will have to share one day), I am continually with you, you hold my right hand."
Verse 26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Verse 28, "But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of your works."
Each of these are encouraging, but I love the last part of verse 28. Even in the hurt of loss, I have learned that God is working, near, and bringing good from it. I want to wholeheartedly tell of His works.
I am surrounded by a lot of mamas that have walked through loss, and I am thinking of them today, praying that they experience Gods presence in a very tangible way today.
This past week I sent out some special little paintings for some of the women who have babies in heaven. A watercolor of a forget-me-not for each one, showing a beautiful reminder of their short lives. When I was done painting them I looked down at the "field" in front of me and felt sadness at the simple beauty of them.
But, I wanted to share what the Lord reminded me.
Last weekend Jonah and I attended a homeschool conference together, and in one of the sessions we were listening to a couple speak (Jon and Ann Dunagan) on mission-minded families. One example that Ann shared was how she was walking one day and saw a field of flowers. It was overwhelming to look out and see so many but in that moment she knew that each flower had a purpose, because God had a purpose for them.
In her example she was thinking of the harvest, of the many people out there waiting for the gospel.
I couldn't help but think back to the own small "field" I had painted in memory of babies in heaven. And the words she shared made me remember that God had a purpose for each flower that women have said goodbye to, because He is good and loving and will do a great work in each heart, bringing something beautiful from it.
I love to remember that.
It's an incredible walk as a Christian isn't it? I am so thankful for God's Word, that gives us His promises and reminders that this world is not our home. One beautiful thing I can grasp from loss, is that my heart is more tender to Him, and more eternally focused.
Miscarriage does not have to be lonely. Instead it can be the microphone you use to share the story God has given you, to point others to Him. Rest in Him. Trust that He will bring good, and healing. And there will be beauty that is beyond anything you could ever have imagined.